Moses, Evolution, And the Burning Bush

Evolutionists tell us that ‘way back in time, some pre-humans began to develop ideas about God when they saw the first moving bush.

Two of these pre-humans were lounging around this big bush one day, when it suddenly moved.

The one nearest to the bush said to himself, “I didn’t know bushes moved. Something to remember”.

Alas that particular note in his memory was never passed down by his genes, because bushes do not move themselves. He was brunch for a velociraptor.

The second, however, created a memory that would be passed down to future genes. That memory said “Holy Shit! Bushes don’t move themselves!”

This gene had a bit of trouble getting started, because the pre-human would mate with a female who would unfortunately be standing beside a bush, when it, too, would suddenly move. The male knew to run like hell, while the female scratched her head and wondered what had just become of her midsection.

The male found another mate, but learned a form of language, something similar to today’s “Oh, Shit! Run!”

But another female, scratching her head and wondering why bushes moved and what “Hi! Hi! GA GA GA!” meant, would become meat for another velociraptor.

And then the male pre-human met a female who had learned the same thing about bushes. In fact, she had also learned how to survive a few “quickie divorces” by telling her ex-mates to stand beside a particular bush and watch it until it moved.

These two created children that stayed away from bushes, but they were divorced later when the female told the male to stand beside a bush and watch it til it moved. He did as asked, and when it moved, threw the female to the velociraptor.

But pre-humans turned into humans, who remembered a valuable lesson: stay the hell away from bushes, because if they moved, something not nice was moving them.

Then one day, our relationship to bushes changed. A man was tending his sheep, minding his own damn business, when he saw something burning on a mountain. He kept watching it, and it kept burning, so he thought he’d check it out.

He approached the bush and noticed that it didn’t move or shake, and in fact, it was toos small to hide something more than itself. So he came closer. And then the damndest thing happened: the bush spoke. It said “Take off your shoes, Moses, your messing up my floor”.

What does evolutin do with something like that? It wasn’t moving, it wasn’t a threat, it didn’t seem harmful, but it wanted this guy Moses to take off his shoes.

Myself, I wouldn’t be taking off any shoes. I’d be showing that bush a nasty pair of soles while I got the hell outta there. Instead of writing a holy book, I’d be booking the first camel to Africa.

But Moses couldn’t leave well enough alone. It never seemed to occur to him that a burning bush might actually need more fuel, and he was that fuel(fool).

Nope, he just sat right down and started taking notes. Set evolution back several thousand years.

Turns out the bush wasn’t all that bad. It told Moses he had some kinfolk in Egypt who were working too hard for the Pharaoh. In fact, they were slaves, and it was damn well time that these folks left and got Pharaoh to do his own work. All Moses had to do was go down and say “Let my people go!”

We know now that bushes do not move themselves. There must be something behind them if the move, or there must be something like a wind blowing them if they move. We also know that if bushes burn and talk, they aren’t doing that themselves. And sometimes the wind seems to talk, just as I can belch the alphabet.

The problem is, we learned that Pharaohs aren’t gods, because the bush told Moses that Pharaoh could only do what the bush made it do, but it wasn’t really a bush that was doing it. It was something greater than the bush, but invisible. It was the mover behind all that moved.

Moses got the people free, and the mover and shaker told them they had to do certain things or go to hell.

Gradually, however, the people learned that if they obeyed the laws and nothing happened, then the laws themselves were good enough, and they didn’t need someone to move them. So they created what they called government.

If you did something wrong, the government got you. If you broke the law, the government got you. If the government wanted to pass more laws to tell you that you did something wrong, the government passed them for your own good.

The problem is that we assumed the government moved the people, just like a bush could move itself. We assumed that if enough people believed in government, they didn’t need a God. They could just pass laws and do everything for themselves, including taking things from others that they never earned or worked for. After all, it was in the government’s interest.

But they never stop to think that there might actually exist some power greater than government, and that it might even exist whether they believe in or not. Yet if they stop believing in government, it stops existing. If they stop believing in any government, all governments cease to exist.

The only thing necessary, therefore, for a government to exist, is if enough people believe in it. And damn those that don’t!

If you think about it, it sounds a whole lot like God, doesn’t it?

After all, they kept looking for God, they kept organizing in his name, and they kept screwing up, so if all their best efforts to find God failed, why would they assume that government would be an improvement? The main differnece is that goverment can kill you for disobedience, and God generally doesn’t.

Some peole say government acts in God’s interest, like Pharaoh. But why does it take so many different governments to represent God? And why do a lot of them really suck at the job?

When you get down to it, the only difference between a God ramming laws down my throat and a government ramming laws down my throat is that it takes a few million people to do the ramming. But hey, isn’t that just like religion?

If both God and government come from our imagination, why believe in either one? God doesn’t do anything if you don’t believe in him, and if everyone stopped believing in government, it couldn’t do anything either.

No Virginia, there is no government.

Bushes don’t move themselves, not even if their names are “George” or “Jeb” or “Prescott”.

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